Two holes.

This next week, I’ll be posting about the Women Discipling Women conference I attended a couple weekends ago. There was so much to take in those two days … & I’m still trying to process it all in my mind & in my heart.

But finally, after almost 24 years of back-and-forthness (ok, more like 24 – 4 years), I’ve hole-punched my earlobes.

I sent out a “just for fun” email about finally getting my ears pierced, and look at what one person wrote back:

congratulations! you can now relate to my 11 yr old daughter! hahahaha!!!

To give you a hint, her name starts with “J-” and ends in “-inny.”

And just something I read this morning in The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers & Devotions:

MAN’S GREAT END

LORD OF ALL BEING,
There is one thing that deserves my greatest care,
that calls forth my ardent desires,
That is, that I may answer the great end for which I am made–
to glorify thee who hast given me being,
and to do all the good I can for my fellow men;
Verily life is not worth having
if it be not improved for this noble purpose.
Yet, Lord, how little is this the thought of mankind!
Most men seem to live for themselves,
without much or any regard for thy glory,
or for the good of others;
They earnestly desire and eagerly pursue
the riches, honours, pleasures of this life,
as if they supposed that wealth, greatness, merriment,
could make their immortal souls happy;
But, alas, what false delusive dreams are these!
And how miserable ere long will those be that sleep in them,
for all our happiness consists in loving thee,
as being holy as thou art holy.

… Help me to know continually
that there can be no true happiness,
no fulfilling of thy purpose for me,
apart from a life lived in and for the Son of thy love.

Surfing …

I’m visiting LA/San Diego this week (or, I have been).  I went surfing by myself for the first time today.  I caught two & a half waves!  The two other times I went surfing, I had good instructors (one, someone from church; the other, a friend).  :]

If I can just get a surfboard now, I think my boogieboarding days will be more scarce …

I’ll be back home Saturday night.

We shall meet on that beautiful shore.

There’s a land that is fairer than day, and by faith we can see it afar …

We shall meet those we lost long ago …
Tears of parting no longer to know, neither grief only joy in the Lord.

In the sweet by and by, we shall meet on that beautiful shore;
In the sweet by and by, we shall meet on that beautiful shore.

(Sanford Bennett, 1868.)

This is one the hymns we sang at my grandpa’s memorial service yesterday. I’ve been singing it since.

After fading gradually for the past few years, he declined more suddenly in the last week after developing diverticulosis & passed away last Friday around 2:10 in the morning. We were notified the afternoon before and were able to spend his last 12 hours with him.

At his memorial service yesterday, each of the grandchildren had a part in the service. This was mine:

Before I begin, I just wanted to say that, according to my aunt, the happiest day of my grandpa’s life was when she was born.

The LORD Has Been His Shepherd

Psalm 23 has always been special to my grandpa, even before he really knew the LORD as his Shepherd. It began with my grandma, who was a godly, praying woman. We think she first found comfort in the words of Psalm 23 when all her children were in elementary school and my grandpa was working out of the country in Vietnam. She would gather her children around her and sing a hymn based on Psalm 23 with them. Maybe my grandpa knew what Psalm 23 meant to her, so when she passed away, she was buried with a Bible opened to Psalm 23.

On May 23, 2003, when my grandpa was taken to the hospital emergency, I was shaking and I couldn’t stop crying. I was full of fear, because I did not know if he was ready to die.

He nearly died at his own hands five years ago, on May 23, while in the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s and depression, and his injuries were so critical that the doctors did not think he would make it. But God was sovereign then, and He is sovereign today. He gave my grandpa five more years to live, and when he passed away three days ago, I have no doubt he was ready.

I remember my grandpa, before 2003, to be a man whose hard exterior and pride sometimes so much masked and distorted his expressions of love that he was often misunderstood. He was disciplined, strict, and authoritative – maybe that was partly personality and partly military influence – but he was a man who obviously loved his family.

My dad, my uncle, and my aunt have shared different stories about their childhood with me.

In the 1960’s, when they lived in Korea, bananas were extremely rare and expensive. Perhaps only two vendors in all of Korea sold them, and they were sold for “baek won,” about $30-50 apiece, which was a couple hour’s worth of labor. When my dad was in kindergarten or the first grade, one weekend, my grandpa took my dad to buy some bananas for the family. They bought some and shared it with the family. A simple treat for the family, but it was one his ways of expressing his affection for them.

Once they immigrated to the United States, even though my grandpa could not speak the language very well, he worked hard to provide for his family with whatever work he could find. Even though it must have been difficult for him, he still made sure almost every weekend was set apart for family outings: road trips, fishing, picnicking …

With his overtime paychecks, he bought jewelry for my grandma. For almost a year period after they moved to the U.S., he was buying her jewelry every other month by working extra hours. Simple gifts, but again, it was his way of showing his love for her.

Though his love toward his wife and children came across hard at times, toward his grandchildren, he was a loving, indulgent grandpa. He always had a bag full of candy on hand for us. He gave us all the sweets and pastries that our moms only gave to us in moderation. When we were sick, he told us candy was the best medicine.

Some of the nicknames he had for us included “Tomboy” and “Pe-pe,” a Korean expression for someone small and scrawny. Whenever my brother and I were in trouble with Dad, we ran to my grandpa because we learned at an early age that Grandpa had more power even than Dad. Even if dad was calling us to come to him in his scary voice, if we made it to Grandpa’s arms first, we were safe. He kept my dad from punishing us many times – even when we probably deserved it.

In the last five years of his life, God drew him near. We prayed God wouldn’t take him until he was ready, and when my grandpa would speak about his death, we assured him that God knew what He was doing and would take him when he was ready. And God did. I cannot deny that God’s way with my grandpa has been perfect.

When my grandpa was taken to the nursing home shortly after his close brush with death in 2003, things slowly began to change. The first few times we tried reading the Bible to him, he yelled for us to leave. Over time, however, his heart began to soften.

In November of 2006, when I went to visit him, I asked if he wanted to read the Bible. He said, “Not today, because I have too many things to think about.” I asked if it was worries. He said, “Worries and non-worries.” I asked, “Are you sad lately?” He said yes. When I asked, “Why?” he said kind of vaguely, “Because of the wrong I did/the mistake I made.” I reminded him that God forgives through Christ and loves him. I asked, “Grandpa, if your son does wrong against you, you still forgive him because you love him, right?” He nodded. I said, “God does, too, but His love and forgiveness are even greater.” His face relaxed and he closed his eyes and nodded.

Months later, when my dad and I visited him, he talked with my dad about his joy. I didn’t understand everything he told my dad, but from what I understood, he said he was trying to pray and that sometimes he just lied there on his bed, so joyful. He said the way he thinks has also completely changed. He figured his life hadn’t been so bad & that when he’s frustrated or anxious, he prays.

And though my grandma didn’t see it in her lifetime, her faithful prayers for my grandpa were answered. God had been his Shepherd all along, even when he didn’t recognize or acknowledge Him.

The words of Psalm 23 proved true in his life. “You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me . . . Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever.”

So, this isn’t goodbye. I know I’ll see him again, where faith will finally become sight.

Glimpses of summer.

High School Students

As far as I know, all of my seniors graduated! Among almost the 90 who graduated, a handful are special education students, one is a mother of a 2-year old girl, one battles lupus, one has a parent who was diagnosed with cancer, one of them has a father who is sentenced to years in prison, at least two of them pursued sports (baseball & skateboarding) as youth to keep away from the gang influences in their family & neighborhood, two are foster children whose parents could not care for them because of drug abuse, a quarter of them live under the level of poverty, more than several of them come from recently immigrated families, and many of them come from broken homes. I was so, so proud of them.

Some of my freshmen (5 or so of them) played with the band during the ceremony.

Family (Especially the Cousins)

Rachie graduated from high school! She’ll be a Trojan next year!

Uncle Jim from Oregon (far right) came down to visit!

On July 4th, my dad & I took the cousins all over Point Reyes (North Bay Area). We climbed 300 steps to see a lighthouse, went hiking, saw old Native American relics, picked berries, played at the beach, and hiked the cliffs near Stinson Beach (notorious for its white shark packed waters).

He’s a kid at heart.

If I stumbled or slipped backward on this rock, it would have been a long drop down. After taking this picture, we decided there was a very fine line between risk & folly.

Visitors from SoCal

The Kim family came up to the Bay! We’re at the Chungs’ in this picture. Jenna’s here ’til tomorrow :]

Rebekah was baptized this past Sunday, the day after her sweet-16th birthday. God is faithful :]

Whatever my God ordains is right.

The weeks have flown by, it seems.

One of the songs that have become more precious lately — like a promise to cling to — is the old hymn, Whatever My God Ordains Is Right (Mark Altrogge’s updated version).

Some of my favorite lines from the hymn:
Whatever my God ordains is right
In His love I am abiding
I will be still in all He does
& follow where He is guiding . . .
I take it all unshrinking
My God is true . . .
I take content, what He has sent . . .
I am not forsaken
My Father’s care circles me there
He holds me that I shall not fall
& so to Him I leave it all.

I can sing this with a gloomy, downcast air of feeble resignation; or I can sing this with cheerfulness, with strength & joy & hope. God helping me, I will do the second.

Take heart — He is mightier than we have yet seen. We’ve only seen the edges of His ways. Take heart — His way is perfect.  He will work all things for our good & His glory; indeed, He is doing it now.

Tomorrow, I’ll post up some pictures. Glimpses of summer, so far :]