His invisible hand.

Living at home for the past few years and reconnecting with old friends has really stirred up the old memory bank.

Today, I started to think about the different people and things God has used in my life to transform, mold, and draw me closer to Himself.  There were (and are) so many of them, but here are a handful of them:

Dad

He was the first believer God placed in my life.  My dad isn’t a perfect man.  But to my old age I don’t think I’ll ever forget the times he repented of his sins before God with tears.  Because we’d sometimes be affected by them, he’d gather us (his family) around him as he repented.  Not only would he apologize to us, he would pray with us in his brokenness.  I’ll never forget its influence on me.  Through my dad, I learned of a God who forgave.  Of a God who restored.  And I learned what it meant to grieve over my sin and run to Jesus with it.  Through all kinds of trials and hardships, my dad’s clung to his faith; and though he didn’t use so many words, his example counseled me to do the same.

Mom

God has been changing my mom’s heart toward Him over the years.  I don’t know for sure where she stands before Him today, but there was a time in my life when I wondered if she would ever feel anything but hostility towards Him.  I can’t think of anyone else God has used more to break my heart for those who don’t know Him.  And aside from maybe one other person, I can’t think of anyone else God has used more to drive me to my knees in prayer.  As she’s been slowly changing, she’s been one of the greatest reasons for rejoicing in my life, too.

Mrs. Lindsay

Mrs. Lindsay was a lady from my church with a huge heart for God, for evangelism, and for children.  I was her assistant for Good News Clubs (for children 4-12 years old) and her assistant on my first mission’s trip to Mexico.  She encouraged me to train to lead my own kids’ clubs, so I spent every summer of high school volunteering as a summer missionary for Child Evangelism Fellowship (CEF).  She faithfully picked me up for the week-long training all those years and dropped me off at home after; the time I spent with her in commute was where I learned the most about her and her passion for the lost.  She labored for His kingdom, especially in prayer, and it was through training with her in CEF that I received assurance of salvation my first year of high school.

Jinny

I spent the first two years of college really praying for an older woman who could disciple and counsel me, someone whose honesty and godly wisdom I could invite into my life.  During my second year of college, I went to Jinny’s baby shower (for her third daughter), and our pastor’s wife, Ange, was sharing a little about Jinny before the gift-opening time.  From Ange’s sharing about Jinny, I just remember thinking, “Here’s a woman who loves, honors, and supports her husband; a woman who shepherds her children; and a woman who doesn’t sit in the limelight but serves Christ and His body in ways that are unseen to men.  I need to get to know her!”  And to this day, she is one of the few people who can gently (but so cuttingly and precisely) reveal the sins and motives of my heart and then point me to the Savior.  I want to imitate her as she imitates Christ.

D-House Romans Bible Study

My first year of college, God put me in a sweeet dormitory.  D-House was the name of the two floors that made up our “house.”  The two floors shared a common lounge and had a spiral staircase that connected the two floors.  I soon found out that there was about 7 of us believers in D-House, and under the leadership of Carlan (who was a third year and affectionately called “Papa Carlan”), we coalesced into a Bible study.  Carlan led us verse by verse through Romans, and it was the first time I came face to face with the depth of the gospel and God’s sovereignty.  God used this Romans study to lay down the bedrock to my faith.

Lighthouse’s Galatians Study

We studied Galatians my second year of college in women’s discipleship.  I never knew how much of a legalist I was until this year.  My sophomore year of college was one of pretty deep depression (too bad I didn’t read Spiritual Depression until my first year out of college); I was driven to despair by the sin I saw in my heart.  And I ran to one extreme to the next: one day, I questioned and agonized over my salvation, and the next day, I set strict guidelines and fasted and made all kinds of vows to God and myself.  I was driven into deeper depression as I saw that no amount of good resolutions and renewed vows could change my heart.  But as we studied Galatians, God made it clear that He was my Savior and my Sanctifier.  Having begun in the Spirit, I wasn’t now being perfected by the flesh.  The doctrine of His grace was never more real … or more beautiful.

. . .

There are other people and things He’s used over the years.  Some years, I wondered where He was and why He wasn’t doing anything.  A few of those years, I spent rebelling in my heart against Him and trying to convince myself He wasn’t even there.  But He’s used people and things to reveal His invisible but sure hand in my life.  I guess our lives sometimes read like the book of Esther; there’s no blatant reference to God, but it’s undeniable that He is Savior and Sovereign behind and through it all.

Who are some people God’s used in your life?  What are some things in your life He’s used to draw you closer?  I pray you’re encouraged as you reflect on His invisible hand in your own life.  To God be all the glory!

Nailed to the cross.

Tonight’s passage at Bible study included these two verses.  As I meditated on them today, the magnitude and the reality of Christ’s substitutionary death on the cross were crushing.

“And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with [Jesus], having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands.  This He set aside, nailing it to the cross.” (Colossians 2:13-14)

The “record of debt” is literally rendered as the “handwriting in the ordinances” in the original text.  This was a debt certificate written in the hand of the debtor, who was basically acknowledging his debt.  The certificate was legally binding, requiring payment in full from the debtor.

Paul is saying that we had such a debt certificate because of our sins, but it wasn’t a debt that could be paid with silver or gold; it was a debtor’s note that required the payment of death and eternal hell.  That’s how serious our sin was (is).

But what did God do?  He canceled it.  Wiped it away.  Blotted it out.  Our debt certificate was erased.  How, when sin is so serious?

He “set it aside, nailing it to the cross” (v. 14).  Our sins were nailed to the cross.  The ESV study notes says that “the image comes from the notice fastened to a cross by the Roman authorities, declaring the crime for which the criminal was being executed.”  When Jesus died on the cross, the criminal notice fastened to His cross included the full list of all my sins.  All of them.  The reckless words, the unchecked thoughts, the pride that belittles God Most High and magnifies ego, the self-righteousness for which the Pharisees were so harshly condemned …

My sins — past, present, and future — were nailed to the cross, and Jesus was nailed to the cross.  The Holy One was nailed to the cross, and my sins weren’t just written on a note and nailed above His head; they were borne on His very person.  He was nailed there.

“For our sake He made [Jesus] to be sin who knew no sin, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God.” (2 Corinthians 5:21)

Before the cross, in Gethsemane, He asked God if there was any alternative.  The One who can, by the word of His power, create life and destroy life; the One before whom legions of demons tremble; the almighty, awesome One.  He asked if there could be any alternative to the cross.  The thought of separation from the Father and the thought of God the Father’s wrath toward sin completely unleashed on Him brought Him such anguish and distress that His sweat became drops of blood.  Jesus sweated blood at the prospect of bearing my sin before the Holy, Righteous Judge. God’s fiery judgment on Sodom and Gomorrah was as nothing compared to the full, unbridled fury and wrath Jesus would face on the via dolorosa, on the cross.

This is what it meant for Jesus to be the Lamb of God that takes away the sins of the world.  He bore our sin, that we might bear His perfect righteousness.

Now, how can I ever doubt His love when He has acquitted me of all wrong and charged His own Son with my treason?  The One in whom the fullness of the Godhead dwells in bodily form, the Creator and Sustainer of the Universe, was crushed that the creature might walk in newness of life.

How deep the Father’s love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One
Bring many sons to glory

(by Stuart Townend)

“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only son…” (John 3:16).

The fullness of my heart.

Hymn by Thomas Hornblower Gill (1819-1906)

Lord, in the fullness of my might,
I would for Thee be strong:
While runneth o’er each dear delight,
To Thee should soar my song.

I would not give the world my heart,
And then profess Thy love;
I would not feel my strength depart,
And then Thy service prove.

I would not with swift-winged zeal
On the world’s errands go,
And labour up the heavenly hill
With weary feet and slow.

O not for Thee my weak desires,
My poorer, baser part!
O not for Thee my fading fires,
The ashes of my heart!

O choose me in my golden time,
In my clear joys have part!
For Thee the glory of my prime,
The fullness of my heart!

I cannot, Lord, too early take
The covenant divine;
O ne’er the happy heart may break
Whose earliest love was Thine!

And pour contempt on all my pride…

Below is an article, Not I but Christ, by an unknown author — how appropriate…:

The following are some of the features and manifestations of the self-life.  The Holy Spirit alone can interpret and apply this to your individual case.  As you read, examine yourself in the very presence of God.  Are you ever conscious of:

• A secret spirit of pride — an exalted feeling, in view of your success or position; because of your good training or appearance; because of your natural gifts and abilities?  An important, independent spirit?

• Love of human praise — a secret fondness to be noticed; love of supremacy; drawing attention to self in conversation; a swelling out of self when you have had a free time in speaking or praying?

• The stirrings of anger or impatience — which, worst of all, you call nervousness or holy indignation; a touchy, sensitive spirit; a disposition to resent or retaliate when disapproved of or contradicted; a desire to throw sharp, heated flings at another?

• Self-will — a stubborn, unteachable spirit; an arguing, talkative spirit; harsh, sarcastic expressions; an unyielding, headstrong disposition; a driving, commanding spirit; a disposition to criticize and pick flaws when set aside and unnoticed; a peevish, fretful spirit; a disposition that loves to be coaxed and humored?

• Carnal fear — a man-fearing spirit; a shrinking from reproach and duty; reasoning around your cross; a shrinking from doing your whole duty by those of wealth or position; a fearfulness that someone will offend and drive some prominent person away; a compromising spirit?

• A jealous disposition — a secret spirit of envy shut up in your heart; an unpleasant sensation in view of the prosperity and success of another; a disposition to speak of the faults and failings, rather than the gifts and virtues of those more talented and appreciated than yourself?

• A dishonest, deceitful disposition — the evading and covering of the truth; the covering up of your real faults; leaving a better impression of yourself than is strictly true; false humility; exaggeration; straining the truth?

• Unbelief — a spirit of discouragement in times of pressure and opposition; lack of quietness and confidence in God; lack of faith and trust in God; a disposition to worry and complain in the midst of pain, poverty, or at the dispensations of divine providence; an overanxious feeling whether everything will come out all right?

• Formality and deadness — lack of concern for lost souls; dryness and indifference; lack of power with God?

• Selfishness — love of ease, love of money?

This list kills me, and it’s not even exhaustive.

“It is not sin that humble us most, but grace.  It is the soul, led through its sinfulness to be occupied with God in His wonderful glory as God, as Creator and Redeemer, that will truly take the lowest place before Him … [It is] the only root from which the graces can grow, and the one indispensable condition of true fellowship with Jesus.” (Andrew Murray)

“For humility let us labor.  For humility let us pray.” (J.C. Ryle)

There is no hope for humility — not even a glimmer — to be found in me.  Apart from Christ, I am nothing.  I will not find hope by searching my own heart; that will only lead me to despair.  But there is hope in the cross of Jesus and in the promise that if we walk by the Spirit, we will not gratify the desires of the flesh (Galatians 5:16).  So, our labors and prayers for humility are not in vain.  He is willing and able to make us humble.

One word says it all:

Maranatha.

Salamat po.

(Tagalog for “thank you.”)

After being the only healthy one in the family for the past few months, I finally caught the ugly cold bug that’s been going around.  I heard it goes through several different phases.  I’ve been through the sore throat and fever stages; now I’m in the sniffles stage.  What’s next?  I mean, besides finals next week.

Before I start grumbling grumble any more, maybe it’s time for another thank You post (haha).

Thank You …

1. For my parents’ 49th birthdays.

I remember Superbowl Sundays used to be a big deal at my house (back in the 49er’s glory days).  Our house would be packed with people.  My dad taught my mom how to watch football, so I would hear her cheering and groaning amidst the din.  She used to leave the room when the Niners were playing a close game and announce that she was too nervous to watch anymore.  I often wondered how special my parents’ 49th birthdays would be, especially since they’d share the same number as their favorite team.  Well, they somewhat proved to be bandwagon fans in more recent years, so you won’t hear the Niners mentioned too often in this house anymore, but it’s been sweet reflecting on the years between my anticipation and its realization … not because they’re finally 49, but because God has shown me glimpses of His invisible hand in their lives (individually and together) through all those years since.  Such a great God.

2.  For the Andaya and Avila family, baby Nathan’s family.

I’ve had several opportunities to hang out with them and their extended family, and what can I say?  I love them.  When all of them are in the same room, some will be laughing together, one will begin grieving in the arms of another, the little ones will be romping around, there’ll be enough food and drink to freely invite more friends and family, and one of the mothers will spontaneously begin humming or singing a hymn or children’s praise song.  As I’ve watched this family rejoice, grieve, and broken-heartedly (yet wholeheartedly) trust God together, He’s blessed me and taught me through them.

3. For inspiring John 3:16.

To my shame, I have to admit that for several years, this verse got “old” for me.  I’d quickly brush over it, searching instead for verses that read more freshly.  But John 3:16, “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life,” is the truth at which angels marvel.  They see the holy, holy, holy One.  They see a sinful world desiring nothing of God.  They see the love of the Father for His Son — a love as eternal and infinite and glorious as the One who gives it, that only pretenders of knowledge can even begin to call this love “vast.”  Then they see that same love demonstrated to those rebels dead in sin and see wrath poured out on the Son, heaven’s glory.  What is going on?! Then they see the holy One, the One before whom legions tremble, heaping mercy and grace on those who once defied Him and declared themselves gods.  Then they see these same ones being adopted as sons and daughters of the Most High, raised with God’s only Son, and eliciting His affections.  Amazing.  Glorious. Things into which angels long to look.  John 3:16 is a window into a world of truth.  Thank You.