Foooooorgiveness.

[Reflections from Philemon :]

Forgiveness is . . .

1. A command, an issue of obedience.
2. A glorious reflection of the gospel.
3. The working of Christ in me, evidence of Christlike character.
4. To be given freely, gladly, in an above & beyond manner (not just out of compulsion).
5. An act of love, agape love.

Forgiveness requires . . .

1. LOVE. The love of God experienced by me, experienced & extended through me.
2. GRACE. The grace of God experienced by me, experienced & extended through me.
3. HUMILITY. Reflecting on who I was & who I am before God Most High. Considering others better than myself. Dying to self (that I might joyfully live to God).
4. TRUTH. Remembering all have sinned, including me. Not expecting from sinful man what I ought to expect from God alone, knowing that man will disappoint, fail, & sometimes hurt me (just as I’ll do the same to him/her).

Oy. Now to apply . . . . .

[In Philemon,] Paul is asking what is not possible in the flesh because flesh wants vengeance. What is not possibly by the law because the law wants justice. But what is possibly by grace, the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, working with your spirit, your inner man. (John MacArthur)

The legalist & forgiveness.

As I read through Scripture & prayed, it became clearer that much of my difficulty in forgiving came from a lingering legalistic mentality — the “my works & obedience to the law makes me acceptable to God” mentality.

The legalist is stuck on the idea that it is her “good” works that makes her acceptable. The legalist holds high moral codes, man-made rules that appear to conform to God’s Word, & other outward means of measuring goodness or righteousness. (But note, no matter how high the legalist may uphold her rigid self-rules, it is still too far below the perfect standard God requires.)

“For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 5:20) The “righteousness” of the scribes and Pharisees consisted of merely an external adherence to God’s law. Their rituals and laws made them look righteous, but not before a God who looks at the heart.

“For You will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; You will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken & contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.” (Psalm 51:16-17) King David acknowledged that God’s concern is with the heart: brokenness, humility . . .

But the legalist does not understand brokenness & humility, much less mercy & grace.

The legalist’s #1 priority is keeping the law. The legalist’s #1 boast is herself (her resolve & ability to keep the law). The legalist’s #1 resource in achieving her own ends is herself; maybe she gives lip-service to God’s work of sanctification in her life, but in the practice of her life, she demonstrates little faith in God’s ability & relies on herself. She is the center of her own universe.

She becomes dejected in her sins, because they are personal failures. She tries to atone for those failures, but inside is the gnawing truth that even one failure means imperfection. She becomes elated with others’ praises, because they are perceiving her to be the way she wants to project herself to be; it is an affirmation to her self-seeking efforts. In her pride, she still thinks she can attain God’s favor by her own personal merit. She sinfully concludes, like the wicked man in Psalm 50, that God is “one like [herself]” — proud, exacting, merciless. & in her heart of hearts, she is not at peace.

I can describe such a woman in much detail, because she is the “old self” in me: a legalistic Pharisee & a self-condemning miser, void of any understanding of God’s grace.

God, in His merciful way, unveiled these heart sins to me one by one in the past several years, & He’s been helping me to continually put these remains of the “old self” away. (Studying through Romans, Galatians, & the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew have been especially key in this process.)

What I didn’t realize until recently, however, was just how deeply these old ways of legalistic thinking impacted the practice of forgiveness in my own life.

Yet, it’s a logical conclusion that one who doesn’t understand (or forgets) the purity of God’s grace & the totality of God’s forgiveness also does not extend pure grace & total forgiveness to others.

It’s a logical conclusion that one who feels that she still needs to somehow “atone” for her sins & failures toward God also feels that those who’ve wronged her still need to somehow “atone” for their sins & failures toward herself.

It’s a logical conclusion that one who sinfully, ruthlessly upholds the law as the highest sovereign cannot see that a perfectly holy God can forgive transgressions to these laws. It logically follows, then, that she would uphold the same ruthless “law” between herself & others; & when a transgression is committed, the law remains highest & grace is not extended. According to such a system, grace cannot be extended.

But everything, again, must center on the gospel . . . on the God of the gospel of grace.

“We know that a person is not justified by works of the law but through faith in Jesus Christ, so we also have believed in Christ Jesus, in order to be justified by faith in Christ & not by works of the law, because by works of the law no one will be justified.” (Galatians 2:16)

“Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things & count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ & be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith — that I may know Him & the power of His resurrection, & may share His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.

Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me His own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind & straining forward to what lies ahead. I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Let those of us who are mature think this way, & if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. Only let us hold true to what we have attained.” (Philippians 3:8-16)

Only those who truly know Christ — those who are covered in His righteousness (not a righteousness of their own), those who are found in Him, those who know the grace & forgiveness of God — can truly forgive. Only those who are of God’s family can display the character of their Father in giving grace (which, by definition, is undeserved) & freely, lovingly forgive.

We have been completely forgiven in Christ. We could not even begin to merit righteousness on our own.

I must remember the Amazing Grace given to me, that I might extend Amazing-Grace-reflecting grace in my personal relationships. If a holy God forgave me (a sinner), can’t I (a sinner) forgive another sinner? How can I, who have been forgiven so much at the expense of Another, love so little & harden my heart?

The call to forgiveness.

I never struggled so much with extending forgiveness as I did in the past month.

Hurt turned into a refusal to forgive turned into bitterness turned into resentment turned into a reproduction of the old record of wrongs that I thought I had put away (woops, did I lose you?). Basically, I was cherishing the sin of unforgiveness in my heart, & it began to fester.

The ones we love best & the ones we hold dearest to our hearts are the ones who hurt us the most (e.g., our family, our closest friends). & the deeper the hurt, the closer the broken trust, the more difficult it is to forgive & let love cover . . . especially since so much of self-love still runs deeper than these other loves.

The one who refuses to forgive, in essence, is saying, “My glory is more important to me than Christ’s glory. My emotions are more important to me than obedience to Christ. Vengeance is more important to me than grace. Self-love controls & compels me, not Christ’s love.”

The one who refuses to forgive disregards the Word of God & hardens his heart, grieving the Spirit & willfully breaking fellowship with God for the sake of his sin.

But the one who forgives seeks Christ’s glory, not his own.

The one who forgives says, “Even in my heart, I will not curse (but will rather bless) the offender, because this reflects the gospel of the grace of God.”

The forgiver remembers that “the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 6:23). If we were treated as we deserved (as sinners, as offenders of the Most High God), we would be eternally condemned — “vessels of wrath prepared for destruction” (Romans 9:22).

“If You, O LORD, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand? But with You there is forgiveness, that You may be feared.” (Psalm 130:3-4)

In terms of our sin, we weren’t dealt with according to justice. We were dealt with according to grace. “Now the law came in to increase the trespass, but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more, so that as sin reigned in death, grace also might reign through righteousness leading to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord” (Romans 5:20-21).

The forgiver, from the heart, obeys His commands to forgive:
“Let all bitterness & wrath & anger & clamor & slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:31-32).
“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy & beloved, compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, & patience, bearing with one another &, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” (Colossians 3:12-14)

We’re to treat the offender as God in Christ treated us.

& when do we forgive?

When we are treated unfairly or wrongly accused. When another maliciously slanders us. When a trust is betrayed. When someone we hold dear is, in a manipulative & cunning manner, made to turn against us. When a broken relationship (between friends, parents, etc.) is unreasonably blamed on us. When another’s selfish decision “ruins” our lives. When a loved one is hurt or slandered by another. When we are beaten or abused in any way — not only by strangers but even by ones we loved & trusted. When someone just makes our life plain difficult. When a spouse is unfaithful. When another’s insensitivity hurts us. When our “rights” are violated. When we are disregarded. When we are riled against for doing good. When we are misunderstood. When we aren’t given the benefit of the doubt. When we are purposely excluded or ostracized. When we are robbed. When we are lied to. Whenever a wrong is committed.

Forgiveness must be extended every time, even if it’s the same sin committed for the thousandth time. This is the forgiveness of God. He doesn’t just forgive us for the sins we commit up to the point of receiving Christ; He forgives us for the sins we continue to commit even after we have made a profession of faith & love towards Christ. He forgave us when we were His willful enemies; He continues to forgive us as His own children.

So, whose honor will we seek? Ours, or God’s?
Which love will we seek? Self-love, or the love of God?
Which law will we uphold? The law of our own making (our broken sense of justice & wounded pride), or the law of grace?

The options are mutually exclusive.

“Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins” (I Peter 4:8).
“Whoever covers an offense seeks love . . .” (Proverbs 17:9).

The call to forgiveness is a call to love. It’s a call to love with the same love God demonstrated to us. It’s not a cheap love; it’s costly. & sometimes, it’s “costly” to forgive. But this is the love of God.

Lessons in forgiveness.

(Format borrowed from Amy Carmichael’s His Thoughts Said . . . His Father Said.)

Her Father: Will you forgive them?

Her: I can’t.

Her Father: Will you forgive them?

Her: I don’t want to. They don’t deserve it.

Her Father: Will you forgive them?

Her: I won’t. Don’t You know what they’ve done?

Her Father: Then your wounds from others must be more important than the death blow My Son received on the cross for your willful sins (& theirs)?