Hope in the mess of relationships.

Excerpts from Tim Lane and Paul Tripp’s book on all kinds of relationships, Relationships: A Mess Worth Making:

We are sinners with the capacity to do great damage to ourselves and our relationships.  We need God’s grace to save us from ourselves.  But we are also God’s children, which means that we have great hope and potential — not hope that rests on our gifts, experience, or track record, but a hope that rests in Christ.  Because he is in us and we are in him, it is right to say that our potential is Christ!

We are well aware that we are smack dab in the middle of God’s process of sanctification.  And because this is true, we will struggle again.  Selfishness, pride, an unforgiving spirit, irritation, and impatience will certainly return.  But we are neither afraid nor hopeless.  We have experienced what God can do in the middle of the mess.  This side of heaven, relationships and ministry are always shaped in the forge of struggle.  None of us get to relate to perfect people or avoid the effects of the fall on the work we attempt to do.  Yet, amid the mess, we find the highest joys of relationship and ministry.

We would prefer that God would just change the relationship, but he won’t be content until the relationship changes us too.  This is how God created relationships to function.

Does the challenge and mess of relationships leave you discouraged?  Does the biblical honesty about human community shock you? Are you feeling overwhelmed by the hard work relationships require? … The shattered relationship between Father, Son, and Holy Spirit at the cross provides the basis for our reconciliation.  No other relationship ever suffered more than what Father, Son, and Holy Spirit endured when Jesus hung on the cross and cried, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”

In his life, death, and resurrection, Jesus brought reconciliation in two fundamental ways.  Jesus reconciled us to God, which then becomes the foundation for the way he reconciles us to one another.  As C.S. Lewis said, Christ restores first things so that second things are not suppressed but increased!  When God reigns in our hearts, peace reigns in our relationships.

And I’m only on page 15 now …

:]

Esther Lentz.

Esther Lentz was the church secretary at the church I grew up in.  But she wasn’t just the secretary.  She was the Lord’s beloved (and our church’s beloved) in every way.

She was diagnosed with brain cancer several months ago.  She was unconscious since last weekend.  But today, she finally woke up — not to an invalid’s bed, a body wracked with pain, the temptations that come with being ill, the concerned faces of loved ones, or the cares of this world.  She woke up to joy inexpressible, a new body that knows neither pain nor age, the victory of Christ over the sting of sin and death, the face of her Savior, and a lasting city where there is “no need of sun, or moon … because the Lord Himself doth lighten it.”

Praise God that death is not the end for those who love Christ.  Praise God it is the beginning of life, true life.

Praise God these aren’t just the words of delusional, wishful-thinking grievers.  We can take Him at His word and grieve with a hope that will not disappoint.

—

A brother in Christ wrote a few months ago about his mom, cancer, and her journey Home.  I pray you’re encouraged as you read (click the title, “Loss Is Gain,” below).

Loss Is Gain

Little Nathan.

Little Nathan is with the Lord now …

My very dear child, what shall I say?  A holy and good God has covered us with a dark cloud.  O that we may kiss the rod, and lay our hands upon our mouths!  The Lord has done it … My God lives; and He has my heart.
(Sarah Edwards in a letter to her daughter)

Under His wings, what a refuge in sorrow …
Often when earth has no balm for my healing,
There I find comfort and there I am blest.
(William O. Cushing, 1823-1902)

Nathan Update.

It’s been a week since little Nathan was supposed to stop breathing.  But he’s still breathing … and fighting.  After living through Saturday night and Sunday, the doctors said that because of all his brain damage, Nathan will remain in a vegetative state, most likely without sight or hearing.

But until God says, “No,” his family is praying for a full recovery.  They are praying for God’s glory in Nathan’s life, and though they hope His glory will be manifested in Nathan’s full recovery, they are resolved to trust Him no matter what His answer is.  God’s will — His good and perfect will — be done.

Let’s keep praying with and for the Andaya family.  You can check his website for updates.  Also, if you have a moment, send them an encouraging note here or here (see their email addresses).

♥

“When Giving Thanks Is Tough.”

Last night, my friend Jaimee called me.  Her 10-month old son, little Nathan, had been in the hospital for weeks.  I don’t understand all the medical terminology, but in brief, he’d had a handful of major surgeries on his brain and had been hospitalized.  She called me yesterday to tell me that the doctors said there was nothing they could for him anymore.  Nathan had (has) little time left.

This is one of those times when words fail.  When the hurting, the shattered hopes for his recovery, and the God, I don’t understand can only be expressed through tears (or worse, through a deadness that threatens to dry the tears and harden the heart).

On the way back from the hospital last night, I was trying so hard to reconcile what I believed to be true about who God is and what was happening.  When I woke up this morning, I compared my view of God with the image of Jaimee, TJ, and little Nathan in the hospital.  God who says He is Love and a broken, hurting family.  God who says He is sovereign and unchanged circumstances.  The Who and the what didn’t seem to fit together.

Today, I read through my notes from last week’s sermon again, When Giving Thanks Is Tough (Habakkuk):

Habakkuk asks God, “O LORD, how long…?”  He’s tired and disillusioned, even angry, but he’s honestly seeking God’s face.  (God would rather we move toward Him in complaint than away from Him in disappointment and disbelief.)

When He feels distant, when He seems to be silent, we’re given the choice to fasten our hope on God’s unchanging character — not just as a knee-jerk reaction to blessing but in the midst of dismal circumstances.

Habakkuk questions God’s concern … and then His very goodness.

C.S. Lewis wrote this in his journal after his wife died of cancer: I don’t think I’m in much danger of ceasing to believe in God.  The real danger is of coming to believe such dreadful things about Him.  The conclusion I dread is not, “So, there’s no God after all,” but “So this is what God is really like…”

When every ropes breaks.  When every door shuts.  When you ask for strength but only see weakness.  You think, “He knows my hurt, my struggle, my concern … then why?”

Our problem and concern is the hurt.  God’s concern is us … perseverance …

In Habakkuk 2:1, Habakkuk says, “I will take my stand at my watchpost and station myself on the tower, and look out to see what He will say to me, and I will answer concerning my complaint.”

Part of the LORD’s response to him is, “But the LORD is in His holy temple; let all the earth keep silence before Him” (Habakkuk 2:20).  He is in His holy temple.

We cannot always grasp His methods, but we can know Him.  This doesn’t mean that there’s no pain, but it’s tempered by the knowledge of who He is.

Habakkuk prays.  His prayer is a walk through the past, remembering God and His deeds.  I don’t know much about His ways and methods now than I did then … but I know Him.

Habakkuk praises God.  Circumstances haven’t changed, but he has.

Habakkuk 3:17-18 — “Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the product of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation.”

Though all visible signs of God’s blessings are stripped away and even when His presence seems to be absent, I will rejoice.  That’s the kind of trust He desires in us and a gratitude that doesn’t change, because it’s fixed on His unchanging goodness.

Habakkuk wasn’t born like this.  Remember the clenched fist?  It didn’t come naturally to him.  He learned it.

Reflect and remember.  Rejoice, because He’s always good and faithful.

When I gave up thinking within myself about the theological implications of this painful situation and instead began taking my conflicted, broken thoughts to God Himself, I began to remember (not just in the sense of recalling to my mind but really knowing and remembering) who He is … because I was talking to Him.  He’s Abba.

He is on His throne.  He is also near, so near, to the brokenhearted and the crushed in spirit — to Jaimee and TJ, to Grandma Kit and Grandpa Jim, to other family, to little Nathan, to our church family.

And we will praise Him … even if it’s through tears and struggles.

Who > Why.

For about the past four years, I’d been praying for a dear friend’s health.  She struggled those four years (and the 10 years prior to that) just wanting the doctors to be able to discover what was wrong.

She wasn’t a believer back then.

Now, four years later, she loves Jesus.

And now, the doctors do know what’s wrong.  And she’s hiding herself in Him, thankful she met the tempest after finding Refuge (or rather, after Refuge found her).

Still, knowing now hurts.  Deep.

Hi Bre!

Hi Bre!!  (Yes, you — haha, I only know one Bre.)

As you’re reading this, it must be a little before noon for you?  (How close was I?)

Just wanted to share a song that reminded me of you :]

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender…
To…

Whatever You’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there’s peace
It’s hard to surrender to what I can’t see
but I’m giving in to something Heavenly

(Whatever You’re Doing, Sanctus Real)

Hope your day at work is a blessing (if not for the intellect, at least for the heart).

Tres centavos.

A New Old Book
I’m currently reading C.S. Lewis’s The Abolition of Man, or Reflections on Education with Special Reference to the Teaching of English in the Upper Forms of Schools.  I’ve had this on my shelf since I was in high school.  Of course, I finally pick it up now, months after I finished teaching.  How useful it would have been, say, a year ago! I actually never even knew its alternate title until a few days ago when I actually turned to the inside title page. :]  It’s been interesting (hehe — yes, Jenn, I’m sorry; you don’t like my broad, nondescript use of the word, interesting) reading this from a Christian author.  Most of what I read in my credential program was from a very different perspective.  I wonder if there are more books written on this topic?

Sour Notes
I hit some sour notes (about three prominent ones, if not more) while playing during the offertory today.  They were pretty sour.  But what was even more sour than those notes was what God revealed in my heart as a result of those wrong notes.  I was hardly thankful or even mindful of His grace.  I was hardly thinking about whether others were still prompted to reflect on Christ in worship as a result of the song (it was Fairest Lord Jesus).  My mind was stuck on those sour notes.  I was stuck on my errors.  More correctly, I was stuck on my wounded pride.  It’s interesting how these greater heart issues are reflected in even the “smallest” situations.  Even in my walk with Christ, I tend to get hung up about my errors (or again, rather, my wounded pride).  I don’t think I’ll ever be able to knock “humility” or “a single love for Jesus” off of my prayer requests list … it’s a grievous thing to think about how frequently I must grieve His Spirit, but it’s a heartening thing to think about just how soon I will finally worship Him as I long to, in a more lasting city.  No more songs of love to the Savior, there, with hearts still entangled with self-love.  No more sour notes from the heart.

Kindred Spirits
I am so thankful for “kindred spirited” sisters in Christ.  There is so much to learn from sisters who work — in their heart, mind, and life — differently (as far as the graceful bounds of Scripture allow for diversity in those areas); but I’m so thankful He gives those kindred spirits to run the race with, too.  Ones who are so much so stitched together from the same inner fabric, so to speak, that it doesn’t take much to understand them or be understood by them.  He’s been providing me with such sisters here at home, too, and my cup runs over. :]

Glimpses of summer.

High School Students

As far as I know, all of my seniors graduated! Among almost the 90 who graduated, a handful are special education students, one is a mother of a 2-year old girl, one battles lupus, one has a parent who was diagnosed with cancer, one of them has a father who is sentenced to years in prison, at least two of them pursued sports (baseball & skateboarding) as youth to keep away from the gang influences in their family & neighborhood, two are foster children whose parents could not care for them because of drug abuse, a quarter of them live under the level of poverty, more than several of them come from recently immigrated families, and many of them come from broken homes. I was so, so proud of them.

Some of my freshmen (5 or so of them) played with the band during the ceremony.

Family (Especially the Cousins)

Rachie graduated from high school! She’ll be a Trojan next year!

Uncle Jim from Oregon (far right) came down to visit!

On July 4th, my dad & I took the cousins all over Point Reyes (North Bay Area). We climbed 300 steps to see a lighthouse, went hiking, saw old Native American relics, picked berries, played at the beach, and hiked the cliffs near Stinson Beach (notorious for its white shark packed waters).

He’s a kid at heart.

If I stumbled or slipped backward on this rock, it would have been a long drop down. After taking this picture, we decided there was a very fine line between risk & folly.

Visitors from SoCal

The Kim family came up to the Bay! We’re at the Chungs’ in this picture. Jenna’s here ’til tomorrow :]

Rebekah was baptized this past Sunday, the day after her sweet-16th birthday. God is faithful :]

Happy birthday, Gracie.

Tomorrow is one of my dearest friend’s birthdays. (I know, it’s a day early.)

A couple weeks ago, she told me about something she heard R. Kent Hughes wrote in The Disciplines of a Godly Man regarding David & Jonathan’s friendship in Scripture. Scripture says that Jonathan loved David as his own soul; theirs was a deep friendship that knew no rivalry (even for the throne). And Hughes said something along the lines of, “A friend is one who wants you to be king.” Even though Jonathan was the rightful heir to the throne (humanly speaking), he wanted David to be king (& God said he would be). Saul desired David’s death; Jonathan desired David’s preservation, even at the expense of himself.

Growing up, I prayed for a friend I could really trust — a likeminded friend. I really believe God answered that prayer when an upperclassman I met my freshman year of college in Crossroads Campus Ministries talked with me & suggested I meet this girl named Grace who was also a freshman. After talking to her & after talking to me, he thought we’d be good friends. He was right :]

Our friendship’s been compared to a lot of random friendships in literature since then — Anne Shirley & Diana Barry and Frodo & Samwise, to name a couple — but since a couple weeks ago, I like the David & Jonathan comparison better (she’s the David).

This is a video I made for her back in February (trying to make a video for the first time & wanting to encourage her at the same time). It semi-chronicles the 6 years of our friendship . . . only semi, because neither of us are huge on picture-taking ;]

Happy birthday, friend.