A conversation with Doubt.

CHRISTIANA, weeping.

DOUBT:

What does your love for Him avail you?  Miser, look about you.  Do not tell me that you see Love’s workings here.

CHRISTIANA:

Doubt, I cannot keep you from speaking into my ear, but I will not cherish your counsel.  You would bring me down to Sheol.

DOUBT, with feigned surprise:

What?  I merely said to — look — about — you.  Can you confidently tell me that this is the working of a God who loves you?

CHRISTIANA, with a struggle:

He loved His Son.  And for my sake, He did not withhold His hand from His only Son.  How can you now ask me to doubt Him?

DOUBT:

But that was then.  You trust His hand even now as He lays down this heavy stroke?

CHRISTIANA:

It is true — I cannot see the full extent of His hand.  It is shrouded in mystery, as it was when His only Son cried to Him on the cross.  I cannot see the full extent of His hand, but I know His person.  I know His character.  I — know — Him.

DOUBT, sarcastically:

A likely tale, no doubt.

CHRISTIANA:

Doubt, would you answer a few of my own questions?

DOUBT, smugly:

Sure.

CHRISTIANA:

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.  For those whom He foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, in order that He might be the firstborn among many brothers.  And those whom He predestined He also called, and those whom He called He also justified, and those whom He justified He also glorified.

DOUBT:

Miser, I recognize your sword.  You are speaking His Word, but where are your questions?

CHRISTIANA:

I continue: What then shall we say to these things?  If God is for us, who can be against us?

He who did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him graciously give us all things?

DOUBT, mockingly:

Yes — look at what He has so graciously given you.  What has He given to you but loss?  What has He given to you but tribulation and distress and persecution and famine and nakedness and danger and sword?

CHRISTIANA:

But you evade my questions, Doubt.  Answer me this: Who shall separate us from the love of God?  Shall tribulation — or distress — or persecution — or famine — or nakedness — or danger — or sword?

DOUBT, wincing:

You would believe that though you are being slayed?

CHRISTIANA:

Doubt, it is not I who is being slayed at the moment.  Who shall separate us from the love of God?  Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?  As it is written, ‘For Your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.’  No — in — all — these — things — we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.

DOUBT, desperately:

But look!  You are weeping, woman!  Can tears yet speak of trust?

CHRISTIANA:

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

DOUBT, crying out:

You — You’ve thrust me through!

CHRISTIANA:

So I have.

DOUBT, clutching his side:

Oh, I see what you are about, woman.  I will leave this time, but I won’t be far.  And I assure you, you won’t recognize me so quickly the next time we meet.  I’ve crushed the mightiest of men and will not be so easily defeated. I’ll be back again, miser.

CHRISTIANA:

So you will.  And so my God and His Word will be nearer still.

—

(Inspired by John Piper’s A Conversation with Death on Good Friday.)

Oh, not to be surprised!

(J.C. Ryle, Holiness, p. 301)

“Man,” said a thoughtless, ungodly English traveller, to a North American Indian convert, “Man, what is the reason that you make so much of Christ, and talk so much about Him?  What has this Christ done for you, that you should make so much ado about Him?”

The converted Indian did not answer him in words.  He gathered together some dry leaves and moss, and made a ring with them on the ground.  He picked up a live worm and put it in the middle of the ring.  He struck a light and set the moss and leaves on fire.  The flame soon rose, and the heat scorched the worm.  It writhed in agony, and, after trying in vain to escape on every side, curled itself up in the middle, as if about to die in despair. At that moment the Indian reached forth his hand, took up the worm gently, and placed it on his bosom.

“Stranger,” he said to the Englishman, “do you see that worm?  I was that perishing creature.  I was dying in my sins, hopeless, helpless, and on the brink of eternal fire.  It was Jesus Christ who put forth the arm of His power.  It was Jesus Christ who delivered me with the hand of His grace, and plucked me from everlasting burnings.  It was Jesus Christ who placed me, a poor sinful worm, near the heart of His love. Stranger, that is the reason why I talk of Jesus Christ, and make much of Him.  I am not ashamed of it, because I love Him.”

If we know anything of love to Christ, may we have the mind of this North American Indian!  May we never think that we can love Christ too well, live to Him too thoroughly, confess Him too boldly, lay ourselves out for Him too heartily!  Of all the things that will surprise us in the resurrection morning, this I believe will surprise us most: that we did not love Christ more before we died.

The deep, sweet well.

O Christ, He is the fountain, the deep, sweet well of love!
The streams of earth I’ve tasted, more deep I’ll drink above:
There to an ocean fullness His mercy doth expand,
And glory, glory dwelleth in Immanuel’s land.

(Anne R. Cousin, 1857)

Well loved.

Oh, for the Day–
To hear, “Well done,”
From a Voice like rushing waters,
And to fall at His feet and say,
“No, Abba … well loved.”

Well loved–
Praise God in Christ,
Well loved.

Perseverance in love.

I was never a long distance runner.  I didn’t see how anyone could enjoy taxing their body to that degree for that long.

So, when a few friends from school asked me a month ago to run the San Jose Rock ‘n’ Roll Half Marathon with them, I just laughed and said, “I’m not a runner.”  Even the thought of running 13-point-something miles made me tired.

But in the end, they prevailed.

I’ve been training for a couple weeks now, and to my surprise, the greatest difficulty in training hasn’t been the physical conditioning.  It’s been been conditioning my mind to persevere — up steep hills, through shadeless stretches of the trail, and especially in spite of the strong, persisting desire to quit.

God isn’t One to pass up teaching moments, even in the most mundane things, and learning a little about perseverance in running has helped me understand a little more about perseverance in love:

• Something more than good intentions must be had for the long run.  In running, training.  In loving, discipline–primarily, the discipline of abiding in Him.

• Few things are more key than intentional self-forgetfulness in perseverance.  Nothing is more key than focusing your mind elsewhere during the long run; focusing on this ache or that will only condition your mind to quit.  Nothing is more key than focusing on Christ’s glory and the good of your neighbor during the long-run; focusing on this ache or that hurt will only make the pain more unbearable and condition you to quit.

• Keeping your head up and looking forward, even when you’re exhausted, is much better than letting it sway every which way as you run.  It takes effort to maintain good posture, but it keeps the mind clear and helps you run longer and better in the end.  Likewise, it seems like it would be less tiring to give in to wallowing in and expressing every emotion that comes with the challenges of loving family, friends, or strangers; but looking upward and forward keeps the mind fixed and helps you persevere.

• It’s better to take frequent, quick sips of water throughout the run than occasional, long drinks.  In fact, it’s better to be well watered-up before the run than to drink only in response to thirst.  One is a proactive approach; the other is reactive.  By the time it’s reactive, it’s almost too late.  Marlean Felix spoke at Lighthouse’s annual women’s conference when I was in college, and she spoke about the importance of having a “root system” in place.  It is better to be rooted in His truth well before any storms come.  And when you open your heart to love sinners (sinners just like yourself), storms will indeed come.

• Running with someone helps you run farther and faster than running alone does (at least, this is true for me).  Accountability and encouragement from a friend as you run is sweet action.  Alone, it is insufficient, but coupled with good training, it gets you far.  Accountability and encouragement from a friend as you seek to love is even sweeter.  Alone, it is insufficient, but coupled with good theology (and the reality of the theology – Theos, the God who is Love), it won’t just get you far … it’ll take you to the end.

Peter, inspired by God, knew the need for perseverance in love.  He wrote to the dispersion in I Peter 4:8, “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.”  Keep loving, he tells them.  This exhortation came after he reminded them of the cross of Christ and the reward and hope of God.

Perhaps from a physical standpoint, not everyone can run a half marathon.  Perhaps one injury, even during training, can permanently disqualify a person.  But by the grace of God, no injury or discouragement or pain-from-evil-returned-for-good or whatever can ever permanently incapacitate a person from loving as He does.  He supplies that strength and gladly gives to those who ask Him.

Let’s persevere in love — not by our might but by His.  Christ the path and Christ the prize.

The way of love (continued).

Paul wrote to the Corinthians,

I give thanks to my God always for you because of the grace of God that was given you in Christ Jesus, that in every way you were enriched in Him in all speech and all knowledge — even as the testimony about Christ was confirmed among you — so that you are not lacking in any spiritual gift, as you wait for the revealing of our Lord Jesus Christ.
(I Corinthians 1:4-8)

God gave the Corinthians grace.  They were enriched in Christ, in speech and in knowledge.  They were spiritually gifted.

And yet there were divisions among them (1:10), and yet there was quarreling (1:11).  In essence, they responded to blessing with pride and self-inflation rather than humility and pursuit of the common good.

Even for all their knowledge and spiritual giftedness, Paul said to them, “You are still of the flesh.  For while there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not of the flesh and behaving only in a human way?” (3:2-3)

If they were of the Spirit, love would have been their crest.  Instead of being engulfed with self-love that leads to jealousy, they would have been compelled by Christ’s love, the love that gives preference to another and rejoices in another’s good.  But instead of love, selfish ambition and pride thrived in their hearts and produced all kinds of strife.

Love, the lifeblood of the body of Christ, was absent.  Without love, the church was nothing more than a corpse — all flesh and no spirit.

Similar to the Corinthians, the Ephesian church was told in Revelation to repent.  Even for all their “works … toil … patient endurance” and discernment, they were told to repent.  Why?

“But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first.” (Revelation 2:4)

They abandoned love.

Spiritual gifts, knowledge, faith.  The Corinthian and Ephesian churches weren’t wrong to pursue these things.  But they were wrong to forsake love in the process.  They weren’t wrong in pursuing these things, but there was a “still more excellent way” that had been ditched.

The way of love.  The way of the Savior.

Literally, His way led Him from Heaven’s magnificent throne to Bethlehem’s soiled feeding trough.  His way led Him from Heaven’s throne room, where angels cried, “Holy, holy, holy,” in worship, to a servant’s basin and the washing of His disciple’s feet.  His way led Him from giving life, even eternal life, to receiving death on a cross.  His way led Him from a king’s welcome to a via dolorosa.

Scripture never says angels marvel at knowledge or giftedness or anything else.  But Scripture records that the love of God come down to save man from his sins is something into which angels long to look.  They absolutely marvel at this way of love, designed and known by God Himself.  A path forged by His own sweat and blood.

Can we begin to feel the weight of it?  Can we begin to feel the weight of what He means when He says we are to love as He did?

Let all that you do be done in love.
(1 Corinthians 16:14)

For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that One has died for all, therefore all have died; and He died for all, that those who love might no longer live for themselves but for Him who for their sake died and was raised.
(2 Corinthians 5:14-15)

The way of love.

About six years ago, I heard a story that deeply moved me.  The story was told about a soldier sentenced to death by Oliver Cromwell during the English civil war.  When the evening curfew bell rang, the soldier was to be shot.

Evening descended, and the bell did not ring.  Minutes passed, and still, there was no sound.

Cromwell sent servants to see why the bell did not ring.

By the bell was the soldier’s fiance, her hands bloodied and bruised as she cupped her hands around the bell’s clapper (the inner part of the bell) to keep it from ringing judgment on the one she loved.

A little later, she was weeping as she stood before Oliver Cromwell.  “Why have you done this?” he asked her.

I don’t know if her response was recorded, but maybe there was none — at least, not a verbal one.  Maybe she simply held out her bloodied, crushed hands, letting them speak for her as she wept.

Whatever her response, Oliver Cromwell was so moved that he told her, “Because of your sacrifice, your lover shall live.”

It’s a touching love story, but even more so, it made me consider whether I love sacrificially with the single desire that another might live — not just physically but eternally.  And it made me consider the One who once and for all demonstrated His love by sending His Son to lay down His life, that the bell of judgment would not ring on those who would believe in Him.

Like all analogies, this one begins to break down at a certain point.  But hopefully not too much unlike Christ’s parables, it is useful in serving as a ramp to greater truth.

For those who are now His, shouldn’t this be our posture as well?  Bloodying and bruising our own hands, so to speak, if that’s what it will take to keep judgment from ringing on those we love (or those we ought to love)?  Bloodying and bruising our own hands in love rather than clanging our self-fashioned bells of judgment against one another, envying and striving to push ahead of one another at any cost?

We ought to cling to the bell.  We ought to pursue love.

But what is this way of love?  Why does Paul call it a more excellent way?  Over what does it excel?  What does it surpass?  And must it be a path strewn with blindness and dismissal of sin?  Must it be a path that forks away from the beauty of holiness and truth?

This way of love.  It is a path so little known, so little traveled.  My questions cannot be answered from afar, in abstraction.  My questions will find answer only as I actually walk this path.  As I pursue it.  As I know the One of whom Scripture says is love.

Preface: Pursue love.

The way of love.  To love God and people, people with specific names and faces and temperaments and idiosyncrasies and sin.  This is the aim, not yet the attained; and the aim is not one that will be attained by the flesh — only by the Spirit, as the fruit of the Spirit is borne in my life by His death and life at work in me.  Praise God for a Savior.

Perhaps there is a thin line between healthy self-examination and unhealthy self-consciousness, and I’m often teetering between the two, especially when I’m sharing the fruits of what have been a study and a struggle in my life rather than a victory.

These meditations and studies on love have been searing and searching my heart.  I know all too well the pride and self-love that run their course like poison through my veins, but there is no encouragement nor power in such a lengthy study on my heart as it is.  So, I turn my attention to that which encourages and empowers: the Word of God, as the Spirit of God gives understanding.  By necessity now, I share that which is a higher standard than I have yet attained.  It is my prayer that even yet, by His grace, His Word might truly become my life … and yours.

“Pursue love,” Paul tells the Corinthians (I Corinthians 14:1).

Let’s do just that.

A still more excellent way.

Love (or a lack thereof) for God and for people has been something of a theme this past month — not one I have actively sought out, but rather the contrary.  It’s been like a persistent widow, knocking and knocking and knocking at my door, determined to continue knocking until granted hearing.

The hearing is still underway and far from being finished.  In short, it’s been good.

Some meditations on love are forthcoming, but for now, just a couple quick thoughts about what Paul, inspired by God, called “a still more excellent way.”

Without love, nothing.

And I will show you a still more excellent way.  If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.  And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to move mountains,but have not love, I am nothing.  If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.
(I Corinthians 12:31-13:3)

Without love, what are my words?  Sounds without beauty.  Noise that obstructs the hearing of other voices.
Without love, what are my gifts and knowledge and faith?  Nothing.  Absolutely worthless.
Without love, what are my noble deeds of sacrifice?  Unprofitable.  Vanity.

Love is laying down your life.

By this we know love, that He laid down His life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.
(I John 3:16)

This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.  Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.
(John 15:12-13)

We know love because of Jesus.  And we’re called to love just like Jesus did.  Love outside of Jesus is not love.  And love is expressed in the laying down of one’s life.  In fact, there’s no greater expression of love than this: that someone lay down his life.

More like Mary.

If I could choose to be like any person recorded in Scripture, King David would cross my mind, Mary (Jesus’ earthly mother) would cross my mind, Paul would cross my mind, and Jesus is a given … but in the end, I’d have to choose Mary, Martha’s sister.

Her deep love for Jesus expressed itself in humble, costly worship, to the point where others called it a “waste.”  But to the Lord, it was a beautiful thing; and that’s all she needed to know.

Now when Jesus was at Bethany in the house of Simon the leper, a woman came up to him with an alabaster flask of very expensive ointment, and she poured it on his head as he reclined at table. And when the disciples saw it, they were indignant, saying, “Why this waste?  For this could have been sold for a large sum and given to the poor.”  But Jesus, aware of this, said to them, “Why do you trouble the woman?  For she has done a beautiful thing to Me … Truly, I say to you, wherever this gospel is proclaimed in the whole world, what she has done will also be told in memory of her.”
(Matthew 26:6-13)

She sat at His feet, adoring Him and delighting in His every word.  She clung to the one thing that was necessary.

Now as they were on their way, Jesus entered a village.  And a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house.  And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to His teaching.  But Martha was distracted with much serving.  And she went up to Him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone?  Tell her then to help me.”  But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary.  Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”
(Luke 10:38-42)

Though her brother Lazarus died, and though Jesus delayed in coming to heal Lazarus, when Martha told her Jesus was calling for her, she quickly went to Him.  In her grief, she didn’t withdraw from Him.

Now when Jesus came, He found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb four days … she went and called her sister Mary, saying in private, “The Teacher is here and is calling for you.”  And when she heard it, she rose quickly and went to Him.
(John 11:17, 28-29)

…

I love that she wasn’t “great” as some might count greatness.  As far as we know, she didn’t change the world, lead whole villages to Christ, or write book upon book.  Her greatness wasn’t in the breadth of her works but in the depth of her love.

She just loved Jesus.  He had her whole heart.

How she loved Him!  And how that was enough — for her and for Him.