How He loves.

Junior year of college, the song Who Am I? by Casting Crowns brought tremendous comfort to me during an emotional time.  Lighthouse’s orchestra was practicing it to accompany Eugene and Christine during church service, and I remember just taking the CD and sheet music to UCSD’s “underground” piano rooms and playing for hours, crying and praying my way through the song … over and over again.  In just a few weeks, we’d play it for the church, and did I believe what I was playing?  Would I rend the garment and not my heart?  God was good to give that song, among other things, during that time.  Where plain words would have been hard, truth sung and played to me brought untold comfort.

This past weekend, that “song” for me has been How He Loves by John Mark McMillan.  From what I understand, McMillan wrote it after losing a dear friend.  On Friday, I lost a dear friend, Michael — “dear” in terms of the place he had in my heart (in all our hearts) as I watched him grow from a little boy to a man who dreamed of being a teacher like his dad.  And I’ve never been so tempted to call a death “untimely” before, but this one … this one seems so untimely.  And my imagination fails me to foresee how God could possibly bring good from this, but this I know: He is good.  And He loves.  Oh, how He loves.  And sometimes, that is all we can do as we grieve: weep in the arms of our good and sovereign Abba who loves us.

I was asked yesterday to play during the offertory today at the church where we grew up, so I went to the church last night and practiced this song, How He Loves, again and again and again.  Grief and hope and pain and praise all stumbling over one another, trying to walk in harmony.  This morning, after I played for first service, I walked to the back of the church and cried with JoAnna.  It is possible to grieve and sing His truth at the same time.  And perhaps again, where plain words would be hard, truth sung and played apply the balm in just the right way.

Some songs are mostly great because of the lyrics; others are mostly great because the music expresses a yearning that words can’t articulate.  I think this is one of those songs.

How He loves.

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane,
I am a tree bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.

When all of a sudden I am unaware of these
Afflictions eclipsed by glory.
And I realize just how beautiful You are and
How great Your affections are for me.

Oh, how He loves us.
Oh, oh, how He loves us,
How He loves us all.

And we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes.
If His grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.

And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest.
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way…

Oh, how He loves us.
Oh, oh, how He loves us,
How He loves us all.

How He loves!
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

Please pray especially for Michael’s mom.  She’s now lost both husband and only child — and both so suddenly.  As our pastor asked us to pray today, please pray that God would heal the deep places of her heart as only He can.

Give me Jesus.

As I get older, simple things are so much more meaningful.  Minus the glitz, minus the lights, minus the bells and whistles, minus the elaborate packaging, minus the “much ado about nothing.”  Simple joys.  Simple truths.  Simple promises.  A single Treasure.  Things (Persons) that are precious and speak for themselves.  They don’t require the “much ado.”

I currently have this Jeremy Camp song on repeat.  Simple lyrics.  Simple longing, but deep — permeating.  Love it … now to live it.

In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise
Give me Jesus.

Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus.
You can have all this world,
Just give me Jesus.

When I am alone,
When I am alone,
When I am alone,
Give me Jesus.

Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus.
You can have all this world,
Just give me Jesus.

When I come to die,
When I come to die,
When I come to die,
Give me Jesus.

Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus.
You can have all this world,
Just give me Jesus.

Give me Jesus.
Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus.
You can have all this world,
You can have all this world,
You can have all this world,
Just give me Jesus.

The fullness of my heart.

Hymn by Thomas Hornblower Gill (1819-1906)

Lord, in the fullness of my might,
I would for Thee be strong:
While runneth o’er each dear delight,
To Thee should soar my song.

I would not give the world my heart,
And then profess Thy love;
I would not feel my strength depart,
And then Thy service prove.

I would not with swift-winged zeal
On the world’s errands go,
And labour up the heavenly hill
With weary feet and slow.

O not for Thee my weak desires,
My poorer, baser part!
O not for Thee my fading fires,
The ashes of my heart!

O choose me in my golden time,
In my clear joys have part!
For Thee the glory of my prime,
The fullness of my heart!

I cannot, Lord, too early take
The covenant divine;
O ne’er the happy heart may break
Whose earliest love was Thine!

Posts to come — soon, I hope.

Though I haven’t been writing here, I’ve been writing in my journal … and some of those thoughts may soon find their way here.

The days have just been slipping through my fingers, but recently, there have been more moments of quiet and rest deliberately interspersed in between.

My friend sent me a song about a week ago (thanks, Garnet) that I’ve been singing and humming all week.  It’s a simple, repetitive song, but something about singing snippets of Scripture to myself has been like applying a balm to my heart.

I set my eyes on what I cannot see
I set my eyes on the eternal…

You are my great reward
Forever I will be with You…

I know that this momentary light affliction is working in me
An eternal weight of glory, an eternal weight of glory…

For You are God and You know what You want…
And You give and take away, the only Initiator of seasons of change…

Consider it pure joy when You face trials of many kinds
The testing of your faith develops perseverance
Perseverance is needed to run the race…

This is my confidence, this is my confidence
I’m living for another age…

My only confidence, my only confidence
It’s an eternal weight of glory being worked in me
I’ll consider it pure joy
I will consider it pure joy…

Christ in my heart

(by Justin Rizzo)

Whatever my God ordains is right.

The weeks have flown by, it seems.

One of the songs that have become more precious lately — like a promise to cling to — is the old hymn, Whatever My God Ordains Is Right (Mark Altrogge’s updated version).

Some of my favorite lines from the hymn:
Whatever my God ordains is right
In His love I am abiding
I will be still in all He does
& follow where He is guiding . . .
I take it all unshrinking
My God is true . . .
I take content, what He has sent . . .
I am not forsaken
My Father’s care circles me there
He holds me that I shall not fall
& so to Him I leave it all.

I can sing this with a gloomy, downcast air of feeble resignation; or I can sing this with cheerfulness, with strength & joy & hope. God helping me, I will do the second.

Take heart — He is mightier than we have yet seen. We’ve only seen the edges of His ways. Take heart — His way is perfect.  He will work all things for our good & His glory; indeed, He is doing it now.

Tomorrow, I’ll post up some pictures. Glimpses of summer, so far :]

Because one just isn’t enough.

O for a thousand tongues to sing
My great Redeemer’s praise,
The glories of my God and King,
The triumphs of His grace!
C H A R L E S   W E S L E Y , 1 7 3 9

Since from His bounty I receive
Such proofs of love divine,
Had I a thousand hearts to give,
Lord, they should all be Thine.
S A M U E L   S T E N N E T T , 1 7 8 7

My heart is filled with a thousand songs
Proclaiming the glories of Calvary
With every breath, Lord how I long
To sing of Jesus who died for me
S O V E R E I G N   G R A C E   W O R S H I P , 2 0 0 3

. . .

A thousand tongues to sing of One Lord.
A thousand hearts to give again & again to One Love.
A thousand songs to tell of One Deed.

The people who sing.

When I’m hurting the most, I’ll usually look for a quiet place where I can take a keyboard or guitar & a praise book. Then I’ll spend hours singing & playing through the songs. It does my heart good to sing His praises — to sing of who He is — especially when I hurt.

“A group of Christians in Africa are not called Christians by those around them. Instead they are called the people who sing. When someone wants to join their church, they say, ‘I want to sing.’ In the midst of very difficult lives full of pain and suffering, poverty and hardship, they sing. They sing from hearts full of joy in Christ. We should tune our hearts to hear such singing. We should marvel at the beauty of their song.”
- Stephen J. Nichols, Heaven on Earth: Capturing Jonathan Edwards’s Vision of Living in Between (Thanks, Cesar, for the excerpt.)

May we be people who sing through times of joy & through times of grief, because our God is always praiseworthy. Our hearts always have reason to sing — maybe not because of circumstances but because of our sovereign God.

The thankful Christian sings. The joyful Christian sings. &, as we were reminded in November, trials enhance joy.

Let’s sing. & let’s sing all the more when the day becomes night.

“By day the LORD commands His steadfast love, & at night His song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life.” ( Psalm 42:8 )

“It is good to give thanks to the LORD, to sing praises to Your name, O Most High; to declare Your steadfast love in the morning, & Your faithfulness by night, to the music of the lute & the harp, to the melody of the lyre.” (Psalm 92:1-3)

“& when they had inflicted many blows upon them, they threw them into prison, ordering the jailer to keep them safely. Having received this order, he put them into the inner prison & fastened their feet in the stocks. About midnight Paul & Silas were praying & singing hymns to God, & the prisoners were listening to them.” (Acts 16:23-25)

“If Thou but Suffer God to Guide Thee.”

Sweet, sweet hymn . . . I can’t even begin to number the times He’s used it to comfort & remind me . . .

 

“If Thou but Suffer God to Guide Thee”
by Georg Neumark, 1621-1681
Translated from the German text by Catherine Winkworth, 1829-1878
Updated just for the purposes of this blog from the Old English text, 2007

(To those who love the more archaic version, so do I! The Old English is beautiful, but it’s been “updated” on here just for the sake of comprehension.)

If you but yield to God’s guiding
& hope in Him through all your ways,
He’ll give you strength whatever befalls you,
& carry you through the uncertain days.
He who trusts in God’s unchanging love
builds on the rock that none can move.

What gain do your anxious cares bring you,
these never-ceasing moans & sighs?
What can it help if you lament
over every dark moment passing?
Our cross & trials only weigh
the heavier when we keep a bitter heart.

Be patient & wait for His timing
in cheerful hope, with heart content
to take whatever your Father’s pleasure
& His discerning love has sent.
& do not doubt that our deepest wants are known
to Him who chose us for His own.

Don’t think within the fiery trial
that God has cast you off, unheard.
Nor think that he whose hopes are never denied
must surely be the one whom God prefers.
Time passes & brings much change
& sets an end to everything.

All stand level before the Highest;
we know it is no difficult thing for our God
to raise you up though you are low,
& to make the rich man poor & humble.
He still accomplishes true wonders,
He who establishes & brings to nothing.

Sing, pray, & keep His ways without swerving,
do your own part faithfully,
& trust His Word. Though undeserving,
you shall yet find it true for you.
God never yet abandoned in time of need
the soul that truly, wholly trusted Him.

*

This hymn reminds me of Psalm 73, the book of Daniel, & I Peter all blended together in song. It reminds me of who He is . . . & how I am to trust Him.