Let me be a woman.

The gospel story begins with the Mystery of Charity.  A young woman is visited by an angel, given a stunning piece of news about becoming the mother of the Son of God.  Unlike Eve, whose response to God was calculating and self-serving, the virgin Mary’s answer holds no hesitation about risks or losses or the interruption of her own plans.  It is an utter and unconditional self-giving: “I am the Lord’s servant. . . . May it be to me as you have said” (Luke 1:38).  This is what I understand to be the essence of femininity.  It means surrender.

The gentle and quiet spirit of which Peter speaks, calling it “of great worth in God’s sight” (1 Peter 3:4), is the true femininity, which found its epitome in Mary, the willingness to be only a vessel, hidden, unknown, except as Somebody’s mother.

Femininity receives.  It says, “May it be to me as you have said.”  It takes what God gives–a special place, a special honor, a special function and glory, different from that of masculinity, meant to be a help.  In other words, it is for us women to receive the given as Mary did, not to insist on the not-given, as Eve did.

Perhaps the exceptional women in history have been given a special gift–a charism–because they made themselves nothing.  I think of Amy Carmichael, for example, another Mary, because she had no ambition for anything but the will of God.  Therefore her obedience, her “May it be to me,” has had an incalculably deep impact in the twentieth century.  She was given power, as was her Master, because she made herself nothing.

I would be the last to deny that women are given gifts that they are meant to exercise.  But we must not be greedy in insisting on having all of them, in usurping the place of men.  We are women, and my plea is Let me be a woman, holy through and through, asking for nothing but what God wants to give me, receiving with both hands and with all my heart whatever that is.  No arguments would ever be needed if we all shared the spirit of the “most blessed among women.”

(Elisabeth Elliot, “The Essence of Femininity,” Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, page 398.)

Deep roots.

There’s something to be said about trees with deep roots.

There’s no denying the reality of the elements.  There’s no denying the reality of the effects of seasonal changes on the tree.  But the tree’s roots reach deep and sustain the tree through every season.

I’m praying for deeper roots as I grow.  Roots that reach deep in the ground of His person, His Word, and His character.

There are seasons that a woman physically goes through that tempt her to fall and rise with her emotions, to reflect on the curse and her mortality more than on the Redeemer, and to heed her physical condition above her spiritual calling.

There’s no denying the struggle is real, but so is her Creator and her Helper.

Deep roots.  That what is unseen may sustain her through what is seen.  In every season.

A “Successful” Woman.

The seniors are now reading through Chaucer’s The Canterbury Tales.

In preparation for the prologue & tale of the “Wife of Bath” (a headstrong, opinionated wife from the town of Bath who declares she knows what women want most), I had my students interview 4 different people with 3 questions. The students had to interview a man 30 years+, a teenage boy, a woman 30 years+, and a teenage girl. One of the questions was, “Define what a ’successful woman’ is.”

Here are some of the responses they received for that question from various people (name, age):

“A successful woman is one that has a good job & a good education.” (Betty, 18 )

“A successful woman is a woman that went through school & [is] doing what a man is doing. Always trying to strive forward.” (Donovan, 17)

“A successful woman is someone who is independent. They don’t have to depend on anyone else but themselves. They can fix anything that is thrown at them & deal with it. They don’t let others put them down.” (Andy, 35)

“A woman that knows if she were to die tomorrow, she would be okay with what she accomplished in life.” (James, 19)

“Someone who knows what she wants & is going to work hard to get it.” (Linh, 48 )

“She went to school & has a good job. She’s got money & is a classy woman. She has manners & is respectful & has a happy life.” (Mario, 42)

“She knows herself & the world around her. ‘Stay-at-home’ moms can be successful because they have goals that they have reached or need to reach. A woman who helps others & looks at the bigger picture in life.” (Anonymous girl, 18 )

“She feels accomplished & has dreams that [have] been reached. A successful woman has the irreplaceable people & things in her life, such as her family, job, & more.” (Frank, 56)

“Someone who is moving up in the world.” (Dennis, 18 )

“A successful woman communicates honestly in relationships. She does not bring up the past. She starts everyday brand new.” (Richard, 57)

“Oprah is the definition of a successful woman.” (Sammie, 16)

“An educated woman who is wealthy & happy.” (Betty, 34)

“A successful woman is someone who accomplished her goals without the help of a man.” (Ricky, 38 )

“A successful woman loves what she is now. She gives love to the people who love her. She goes on with her life even after a tragic event happens.” (Edna, 54)

“A successful woman is wise & reasonable.” (Wilson, 49)

“A successful woman has to have a rich man in her life who can buy her things.” (Ishmael, 18 )

“She’d be raising a great child. She passed her life down.” (Lina, 32)

“A successful woman would be someone that likes me. She knows I’m better than all the other boyfriends. She’d win the competition. She’d be happy forever.” (Brandon, 17)

“If you don’t have family to share your success, how successful are you really?” (Claire, 31)

“A woman who can look at her life & say, ‘Ahh that was fun!’ Life is short.” (Peter, 18 )

“Beyond through all these rubbish, Oprah is not an example. She is financially capable of buying her desires, but that is not important.” (Darius, 35)

“A woman who struck a balance between personal & professional life.” (Ms. C, 36)

“Not only does she have a job, but the job is one of the top positions.” (Inderjit, teen)

“A ’successful’ woman is a woman that obeys God’s will & teaches her children to do the same.” (Jeannie, 44)

“Bluntly, a woman who is strong inside that will not let her emotions get in the way of what she has to do.” (Anonymous boy, teen)

“Was a leader not a follower.” (Sophia, 17)

“Someone who doesn’t get pregnant before marriage & knows where they are leading to in life.” (Janelle, 15)

“They have a lot of money with good family & job.” (Perlito, 54)

“Someone who has a husband who she loves & he loves her. & maybe a child or two.” (Lorena, 44)

“A woman that remains true to herself.” (Tonya, 42)

“[A woman with] a good relationship with God . . . someone who is humble.” (Colleen, 30)

“She just didn’t settle for being a housewife. She has a career & children who love her.” (Julian, 17)

“To have & finish her education. Then, going into a good college, & after, graduating. After graduating, you get a good working job. You then get married, have kids & with that good job, you are supporting your family. After all that’s done . . . you see that cycle go around all over again.” (Chastine, 17)

“If they’re dedicated to something or someone, then they’ll be successful.” (Conrad, 19)

“Someone who goes by her own rules.” (Alissa, 18 )

“Someone that is independent, a strong decision maker, & has good leadership skills.” (Kent, 52)

“A woman who looks 20 when she’s really 50.” (Bob, adult)

The majority of the responses (even the ones that I didn’t post here) had to do with education, job, the achievement of goals, wealth, happiness (undefined), & loved ones.

But this question still lingers – “What good will it be for a [woman] if [she] gains the whole world, yet forfeits [her] soul? Or what can a [woman] give in exchange for [her] soul?” (Matthew 16:26)

Who is the woman who will hear, “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all” (Proverbs 31:29)?

A woman who fears the Lord (Proverbs 31:30 – see Proverbs 31 for details), who loves the Lord (Deuteronomy 6:5), who sits at His feet & listens to His words (Luke 10:41), whose beauty is from the adorning of gentleness & quietness (I Peter 3:3-4), who wins souls – not by her own persuasiveness but by His power (Proverbs 11:30; Acts 20:24), & a woman who teaches others to do the same (Proverbs 31:26; Titus 2:3-5) . . . a woman whose “children arise & call her blessed; her husband also” (Proverbs 31:28 ) & her God (Matthew 25:23; 1 Corinthians 3:12-15).

The above list is by no means exhaustive, but in short, as the Navigators say, ” . . . know God & . . . make Him known.”

Let’s not spend our lives chasing after the wind, pursuing things that do not satisfy. Does that mean we need to quit school, quit our jobs, & quit everything else? Not necessarily. But the point is not to pursue these things as of first importance.

Let’s not be deceived. Success is not defined in worldly terms; it is defined by the Creator who created us “in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them” (Ephesians 2:10), the One who will one day judge our hearts (of Christ, or no?) & our work (for His glory, or no?).

A Challenge to Women.

This is an article I found on Desiring God’s website a couple years ago.

I appreciate Piper’s “Challenge to Women”; it’s a reminder to joyfully embrace our Creator’s loving design. A woman’s fulfillment of her role is, foremost, her responsibility (& delight) before God. She is not hedged in & limited in her role. He has given her everything she needs to do her part faithfully (& creatively) &, as a result, make much of her God.

Her faithfulness & joy in her role is a direct reflection, a direct outpour of her heart.

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1. That all of your life—in whatever calling—be devoted to the glory of God.
2. That the promises of Christ be trusted so fully that peace and joy and strength fill your soul to overflowing.
3. That this fullness of God overflow in daily acts of love so that people might see your good deeds and give glory to your Father in heaven.
4. That you be women of the Book, who love and study and obey the Bible in every area of its teaching. That meditation on Biblical truth be the source of hope and faith. And that you continue to grow in understanding through all the chapters of your life, never thinking that study and growth are only for others.
5. That you be women of prayer, so that the Word of God would open to you; and the power of faith and holiness would descend upon you; and your spiritual influence would increase at home and at church and in the world.
6. That you be women who have a deep grasp of the sovereign grace of God undergirding all these spiritual processes, that you be deep thinkers about the doctrines of grace, and even deeper lovers and believers of these things.
7. That you be totally committed to ministry, whatever your specific role, that you not fritter your time away on soaps or ladies magazines or aimless hobbies, any more than men should fritter theirs away on excessive sports or aimless diddling in the garage. That you redeem the time for Christ and his Kingdom.
8. That, if you are single, you exploit your singleness to the full in devotion to Christ and not be paralyzed by the desire to be married.
9. That, if you are married, you creatively and intelligently and sincerely support the leadership of your husband as deeply as obedience to Christ will allow; that you encourage him in his God-appointed role as head; that you influence him spiritually primarily through your fearless tranquility and holiness and prayer.
10. That, if you have children, you accept responsibility with your husband (or alone if necessary) to raise up children who hope in the triumph of God, sharing with him the teaching and discipline of the children, and giving to the children that special nurturing touch and care that you are uniquely fitted to give.
11. That you not assume that secular employment is a greater challenge or a better use of your life than the countless opportunities of service and witness in the home the neighborhood, the community, the church, and the world. That you not only pose the question: Career vs. full time mom? But that you ask as seriously: Full time career vs. freedom for ministry? That you ask: Which would be greater for the Kingdom— to be in the employ of someone telling you what to do to make his business prosper, or to be God’s free agent dreaming your own dream about how your time and your home and your creativity could make God’s business prosper? And that in all this you make your choices not on the basis of secular trends or yuppie lifestyle expectations, but on the basis of what will strengthen the family and advance the cause of Christ.
12. That you step back and (with your husband, if you are married) plan the various forms of your life’s ministry in chapters. Chapters are divided by various things—age, strength, singleness, marriage, employment choices, children at home, children in college, grandchildren, retirement, etc. No chapter has all the joys. Finite life is a series of tradeoffs. Finding God’s will, and living for the glory of Christ to the full in every chapter is what makes it a success, not whether it reads like somebody else’s chapter or whether it has in it what chapter five will have.
13. That you develop a wartime mentality and lifestyle; that you never forget that life is short, that billions of people hang in the balance of heaven and hell every day, that the love of money is spiritual suicide, that the goals of upward mobility (nicer clothes, cars, houses, vacations, food, hobbies) are a poor and dangerous substitute for the goals of living for Christ with all your might, and maximizing your joy in ministry to people’s needs.
14. That in all your relationships with men you seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit in applying the Biblical vision of manhood and womanhood; that you develop a style and demeanor that does justice to the unique role God has given to man to feel responsible for gracious leadership in relation to women—a leadership which involves elements of protection and care and initiative. That you think creatively and with cultural sensitivity (just as he must do) in shaping the style and setting the tone of your interaction with men.
15. That you see Biblical guidelines for what is appropriate and inappropriate for men and women in relation to each other not as arbitrary constraints on freedom but as wise and gracious prescriptions for how to discover the true freedom of God’s ideal of complementarity. That you not measure your potential by the few roles withheld but by the countless roles offered. That you turn off the TV and Radio and think [about these things & ways to creatively minister to those around you].

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By John Piper. © Desiring God. Website: desiringGod.org

“The Ideal Christian Woman.”

I really appreciated this article by Wendy Alsup of Mars Hill Church in Seattle (found through Carolyn McCulley’s blog, Solo Femininity).

Some sweet excerpts:

“The godliest of Christian women . . . First of all, ‘godliest’ is a bad label. It implies we determine our godliness by comparing ourselves to others. ‘She’s godlier than that other lady, so that makes her the godliest.’ Wrong! Christ is our standard of perfection, and we all fall short of His glory.”

“If we want to paint a stereotype of the Ideal Christian Woman, she would first simply be honest about the condition of her heart . . . Oh that we would be a church of humble women who are honest about our sin. Instead, so often we are a mix of shame and pride. We’re ashamed of ourselves because of what others have done to us and what we, in turn, have done to others. And we’re too proud to admit it to anyone. We must become women who value confession.”