I wish I had trusted God more.

August 7, 2012

I’m pretty sure that most of any blips JE and I have in our marriage stems from my fears.  So so so so so so many of them.  And the more I think about it, the more I realize that there is almost nothing my husband can do to alleviate any one of my fears except pray for me and lovingly point me to the truth, which he does.

My mom reminded me a few years ago about how my second grade teacher would always tell her that I was a “worry wart.”  I worried about little things.  Big things.  Imagined things.  Never-going-to-happen things.  Sometimes real things.  Sometimes legitimate things.  Usually not.  And it seems I carried that into my marriage (no surprise), except loaded up with more history and more evidences of past experiences to fuel this unquenchable fire that fear is.

It’s rational and irrational all mixed up together.  Poor JE as far as wife is concerned, but rich JE as far as Christ is concerned (thankfully!). And somehow, it always seems like it takes 100 truths to 1 lie for me to see beyond fear’s lens.  It’s hard work.  But worth it.  And in Christ, the fruit of this hard work has been won for me.  For us.  For all who walk in fear rather than faith.

So today, this thought from Carolyn Mahaney resonated with me.  She was asked how she would parent her daughters differently if she could do it all over again.  I’m not a mother, but the principle of what she was saying struck me.  I can apply it now to marriage and to a number of other areas in my life:

I wish I had trusted God more.

For every fearful peek into the future, I wish I had looked to Christ instead.  For every imaginary trouble conjured up, I wish I had recalled the specific, unfailing faithfulness of God.  In place of dismay and dread, I wish I had exhibited hope and joy.  I wish I had approached mothering like the preacher Charles Spurgeon approached his job: “forecasting victory, not foreboding defeat.”

The Bible says that without faith it is impossible to please God (Heb. 11:6).  Fear is sin.  And as my husband has often graciously reminded me–God is not sympathetic to my unbelief.  Why?  Because fear, worry, and unbelief say to God that we don’t really believe He is “merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness” (Ps. 86:15).  We are calling God a liar …

No matter the size or the shape of your fears, may I encourage you to take them to the foot of the cross? … Repent from worry and put your trust in the glorious gospel.

My husband has a Charles Spurgeon quotation as his screen-saver, which we would do well to have running across the screen of our minds: “As for His failing you, never dream of it–hate the thought.  The God who has been sufficient until now, should be trusted to the end.”

I want to trust Him to there.


5 Responses to “I wish I had trusted God more.”

  1. Paul Says:

    Thanks Tia.

  2. Taylor Welty Says:

    I LOVE this… and definitely needed to hear it. 🙂

  3. I NEEDED to read this today.

    And I need to trust that he is merciful and gracious. And I need to repent of my unbelief.

  4. cathie Says:

    great post, tia! need to remind myself of this everyday.

  5. tia Says:

    timely read for me, too. ❤

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